Hey I feel like you! I have the same problem. But its easier for me to analyze you than me because I'm biased about me!
I guess many people would say to both of us .... "Its not what you said but how you said it." I don't know how many responses like that I have walked away from shaking my head so obviously I will never truly understand.
An old man and friend of the family heard me complaining one day when I was a kid. I had been put down pretty hard and he asked me what I was so upset about. I told him I was not guilty of about half the things they said. Then he said well what about the things you are guilty of? I didn't have a response for that but he made his point. If I was wrong only partly I was still wrong! Its not always been easy to accept that principal and especially when I didn't like the person who was complaining. But I know I can be more receptive than I am without compromising what I call my principals. The two hardest things I have ever attempted to learn and obviously haven't yet is:....1) Do I have to say anything at all? And 2) Will what I say really benefit anyone? Every now and then when I screw up I remember this and am reminded in my case I could have been a mute and probably accomplished more in my life.